Yesterday*, I was "blessed" with being in the car for long periods of time while I drove to a work site and then back to the office (and then back home!). Overall, I spent about 6 hours driving.
During this time I listened to two (2) radio programs that I would not have had the chance to ordinarily listen to. Both offered profound insights to parenting (and life) as well as how our society views parenting (and thus, also, marriage). For me, marriage and family are directly related to political issues and the state of our country today.
On the drive from the office to my project site for the day, I was seeking something different to listen to and my search of the radio "dial" took me to
Democracy Now! I caught an
episode promoting the release of a new documentary film,
Kids for Cash.
At first I wasn't sure what I was listening to. I heard interviews with parents describing how their teens were shipped off to prison for seemingly minor offenses, some merely involved with disputes in school, and one that was due to the parents rather than the child. But in all cases, the families had no idea that the children would end up in prison-for inordinate time. It sounded like something from another time or era or another country.
The episode revealed that these situations were the result of corrupt judges who received financial kickbacks for sentencing kids to private juvenile detention centers. Think this is an aberration or unique occurrence? The irony was that while I was listening to this episode, I was on my way to a psychiatric center (for all ages, including under 18) that is being renovated and will be renamed as a "Regional Center for Excellence" (pretty good Newspeak).
SIDEBAR: Later that evening, back home, I caught up on the
news of the day regarding a family in my town who are fighting to regain custody of their 15-year old daughter who was "kidnapped" by the MA DCF. Most parents don't realize how fragile their rights as parents have become. The State is taking over; parents are considered guilty until proven innocent in the name of protecting the child. The attitude now is "It takes a Village..." not the parents. The similarity between these the "kids for cash" and the MA DCF is that money is a driver in both cases. It is not the sole driver but it still pretty significant.
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| Justina with her parents at the start of the ordeal. |
By having the state DCF take custody of the teen, the hospital has ensured that the state (i.e., taxpayers) will pay for the teen's "care" during a stay that will drag out due to the court battles. Now, I'm sure that they are not doing this specifically for cash flow but it won't hurt theirs either. DCF also benefits in that they get to justify use of their resources (probably also for an extended time).
Back to the office. On my way back to the office, I got stuck in a huge traffic jam and was hardly moving. This gave me an opportunity to listen to
Fresh Air on public radio.
The
program was an interview with Jennifer Senior about her new book about parenting,
All Joy and No Fun: the Paradox of Modern Parenthood. Initially, it sounded like this was another book set out to debunk any of the benefits of marriage and family and children. It seemed like the start of the episode focused on the "no fun" part of parenting. But by the end, it was clear that the author was really trying to communicate the "all joy" part.
There are so many insights that I gained from listening to this interview that I'm not sure where to start. It was not so much the interview as was the subject matter and the heart of the author.
One aspect has to do with brain development. She talked about how parents (especially 'modern' ones today) try to persuade toddlers to behave even though the child's brain is not developed to think in terms of the future and delayed gratification. Thus, parents can become exasperated when their kids don't behave as the parents expect (she gave an example about not eating a cookie because supper would be ready soon-but the child doesn't comprehend the meaning of "soon"). This brought to mind the Brian Caplan's book,
Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids: Why Being a Parent is Less Work and More Fun Than You Think
She mentioned a similar issue regarding the brain development of teenagers: teens are less risk adverse. (This explains why my teenage son loves roller coasters and amusement park rides while I am less so enamored). What she said corresponded to an
article I had read in National Geographic a few years ago.
Another noteworthy concept that she mentioned is how the role of mothers has changed in the past few decades. She noted that once upon a time (1950s to ?) mothers and women at home were called a
Housewife. However, the term now used is "stay-at-home-mom."
She differentiated between the two terms and compared how her mom raised her and how she is raising her son. Essentially, her mom (housewife) worked to create a home (including raising children); on the other hand, today's mothers ("stay at home moms") are child focused and tend to neglect caring for the home (since those chores are to be shared with dad/father/husband). Much time is spent today, educating your child and preparing them for college and transporting them to various sports and/or artistic activities.
I think there was also something mentioned about subcontracting out various homemaking activities (e.g., daycare, meals vs eating out or microwave, etc.). Also, many of today's stay-at-home moms have their own careers and are working from home (e.g., the Jennifer Senior), so sometimes cleaning is subcontracted out as is yard care (since the husband is also busy).
I probably won't make time to read her book but I will probably check out her original
article in New York Magazine. I will also try to listen (via mp3) to her
interview on one of my favorite radio shows, Radio West.
In closing, I offer a quote from
Teddy Roosevelt from his
Autobiography:
"There are many kinds of success in life worth having. It is exceedingly interesting and attractive to be a successful business man, or railroad man, or farmer, or a successful lawyer or doctor; or a writer, or a President, or a ranchman, or the colonel of a fighting regiment, or to kill grizzly bears and lions. But for unflagging interest and enjoyment, a household of children, if things go reasonably well, certainly makes all other forms of success and achievement lose their importance by comparison."
* I actually am writing this post much later (Sunday 3/2/14). I did not want to lose this experience due to my lack of time and energy to promptly post these thoughts.
Links:
http://www.democracynow.org/
http://www.democracynow.org/2014/2/4/kids_for_cash_inside_one_of
http://kidsforcashthemovie.com/about-the-film/
http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2014/02/04/the-latest-from-the-parents-of-teen-held-by-hospital-against-their-will-doesnt-look-good-its-scary/
http://www.npr.org/programs/fresh-air/
http://www.npr.org/2014/02/04/271416048/are-we-having-fun-yet-new-book-explores-the-paradox-of-parenting
http://blogs.wsj.com/ideas-market/2011/04/11/twin-lessons-have-more-kids-pay-less-attention-to-them/
http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2011/10/teenage-brains/dobbs-text
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Housewife
http://nymag.com/news/features/67024/
http://radiowest.kuer.org/post/paradox-modern-parenthood
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teddy_Roosevelt
http://www.bartleby.com/55/9.html
