The Art of Loving

Alternate Title: All I Need is Love.

This post will give you an example of how I can sometimes flitter away my weekend. It will center on Love💖 but also has some interesting threads (to me at least). There seems to be three parts.

Part 1: It's So Easy To Fall In Love

I wasn't always like this (I think). Yesterday afternoon I turned on some music while doing paperwork. But this was not background, ambient music to fill the void. It wasn't relaxing classical, or soothing jazz nor one of those Youtube channels, such as Music for doing paperwork (I don't know if there is such a channel but ya never know). 

Instead, I put on Denny Laine's Holly Days album. Actually, this is a Paul McCartney album from 1977 with lead vocals by his guitarist at the time, Denny Laine. If you listen closely you might be able to make out Paul and Linda's background vocals.* This album is short (~30 minutes) and pleasant, containing cover versions of songs by 1950s rock-n-roll legend, Buddy Holly. Note: McCartney had obtained the publishing rights to Holly's music, so this album was rewarding for him in more ways than one. But overall, it's toe tapping, light romantic pop music.

* On "It's So Easy" you can hear Paul and Linda in the background singing the names of the chords (literally: "A-D-E").

 

Part 2. Holly Golightly-Directly From My Heart

Buddy Holly leads to Holly Golightly. Holly Golightly saved my life in the same way as Paul McCartney did: the music strengthened me and lifted me up, especially during tough times. And even though McCartney's music is considerably different from Holly's, there is a McCartney connection (sort of) in this part of my post.

When I got on the computer later that evening, I went looking for one of my favorite Holly Golightly songs, a duet with a singer named Billy Childish: I Believe. It is a hauntingly sensual, tender love song. 

Tell me your thoughts about me

and tell me you'll never leave, you'll never leave.

Place your lips unto mine, like a flower loves a bee.

Tell me your dreams about me,

and make sure that I believe, I believe.

That prompted me to explore some of the songs on their album.

During one of the songs, I saw a related song from a different album with a different collaborator, Directly From My Heart by Dan Melchior & Holly Golightly. I knew the song by Holly alone (see below) but this one was a stripped down, plodding version, almost acoustic, very simple. Intrigued, I noticed that the composer/lyricist was listed as Penniman, as in Little Richard (Penniman) another 1950s rock-n-roller and, like Buddy Holly, a huge influence on Paul McCartney (told ya there was a connection). McCartney did spot-on covers of Little Richard's "Long Tall Sally" during the Beatles live concert era and "Lucille" during the early Wings tours.

Knowing Holly's version, I wasn't making the connection with Little Richard. A YouTube search revealed three very different versions by Little Richard:

• 1966 version
  
• The original version from 1953
• A late 50s-early 60s rocking version

Several comments in these YouTubes pointed toward a 1969/70 version by Frank Zappa which follows the original Little Richard soulful gospel-like version but augmented with a jazzy violin.

But my favorite version is by Holly Golightly because its rocking swing arrangement is confident and with strong assurance. And it is short, barely over 2 minutes, which makes me want to play it again (and again).

Direct. Directly from my heart to you. (2X)

Well, You know that I love you. You know that I am so true.

And I pray. I pray our love will last always. 

I pray. I pray our love will last always.

We'll be so happy together darling. I'll love you for the rest of my days. 

 

Part 3. The Art of Loving.

After all that investigating music on the Internet, I needed a break (my ear did too). So I opened a box of books that I recently brought from my storage unit so I could unpack and place them in the new book cases I got for my office. When I lifted the cover off the box, staring up at me was the cover of Erich Fromm's The Art of Loving  This particular edition (1956) is a hard cover that I picked up not long ago at a used book sale (50¢).

I remember reading a paperback edition of The Art of Loving when I was in college-for personal enrichment (see picture below). I don't think I really understood it at the time. I have vague recollections about how the description of loving God affected me. I also recall reading Carl Rogers but, like my Art of Loving reading, both have faded from my memory over the years so that I no longer recall anything specific.

The copy at the left is the newly acquired hard copy.
The edition at the right is the paperback I read during college.

What is rather odd, is what I read when I took the book out of the box and opened it to a random page (98-99). It seemed to me to speak to my ex-wife's relationship with me at times.

More complicated is the kind of neurotic disturbance in love which is based on a ...parental situation occurring when parents do not love each other, but are too restrained to quarrel or to indicate any signs of dissatisfaction outwardly. At the same time, remoteness makes them also unspontaneous in their relationship to their children. What a little girl experiences is an atmosphere of "correctness," but one which never permits a close contact with either father or mother, and hence leaves the girl puzzled and afraid. She is never sure of what the parents feel or think; there is always an element of the unknown, the mysterious, in the atmosphere. As a result, the girl withdraws into a world of her own, day-dreams, remains remote, and retains the same attitude in her relationships later on.

Furthermore the withdrawal results in the development of intense anxiety, a feeling of not being firmly grounded in the world, and often leads to masochistic tendencies as the only way to experience intense excitement. Often such women would prefer having the husband make a scene and shout, to his maintaining a more normal and sensible behavior, because at least it would take away the burden of tension and fear from them; not so rarely they unconsciously provoke such behavior, in order to end the tormenting suspense of affective neutrality.

I was stunned because I saw a lot of touch points in the above with Lynn (although not purely 100%). Upon reflection, I wonder if the above might apply in part to me too, especially when I was young (early elementary school?). This extract is from the chapter entitled, "Love and Its  Disintegration in Contemporary Western Society." As I browse through the surrounding pages in this chapter I see several conditions (situation) that might apply to me (and Lynn). But too late.

In a way, it's kind of sad (and depressing) that so much of the counseling sessions we attended during our marriage were so useless. I don't recall anything like the above that might have helped us to understand our interactions.  When I was at the Newman Center during college, I participated in a group session using the Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator. What we learned really helped with my relationship with SueF. Before that, things had been somewhat cold and testy. But afterwards, when we better understood each other, our friendship warmed up and was pleasant and cordial thereafter.

CODA: Relaxing Jazz

After I put the book down, I went back to the computer and noticed an album cover in the Related column that appealed to me. Gerry Mulligan's 1963 album Night Lights is exactly the kind of calming instrumental bachelor pad jazz that I like to relax to (and dream of cuddling with a loving woman).

So, in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make only love remains.

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Links:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zI758t00hnE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRQfnhxY8kQ
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holly_Days
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holly_Golightly_(singer)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSJ5hG7ms_U
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBB_sjMafIY
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Richard
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLCFrPZKp9A
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06YqWV-W-Lw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G514zjOciws
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KB3HdC-Iums
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4_WXK4OYII
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Art_of_Loving
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myers%E2%80%93Briggs_Type_Indicator
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Night_Lights_(Gerry_Mulligan_album)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5PG7aRYS1k
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Written Sunday 24 January 2021.

Merry Christmas!

 

The image above was the collage I created for my annual Christmas letter this year (2020). Originally, I had a different concept, based on a diagram I had sketched about the relationships between the books I read and other things. But as I started to flesh that out, the idea of the Boggle board popped into my mind out of nowhere. Logically, it is an extension of the Easter greeting texts that my sisters originated.

The multi-window layout specifically reminded me of the virtual meetings conducted this year at work using Zoom (or similar) because of the Covid-19 lockdown/quarantine. The matrix format also reminded me of the technology some choirs used this year during the lockdown to create virtual choirs. Recently I was awed by Canto Católico's "Salve Regina" video (so beautiful, I cried). Overall, I thought the matrix format a good representation of this year (e.g., boxed in).

Screenshot of the Canto Católico "choir."

MX = Portrait of me from my January 1, 2020 blog post.

EX = Early in the lockdown, toilet paper was in short supply and was a significant concern. At one point, toilet paper was considered like a treasure.

RX = Zimba joined us in March. A frustrating and fascinating cat. He chewed up any paper he could find (among other things) but his ability to leap seemed to defy gravity.

RX = A selfie while walking along the Fastrak path. I was especially fascinated by the field of reeds in the wetlands behind me.

Y = A good question.

MM =  My copy of the book Little Women. I read this book and emailed daily summaries and highlights.

EM = Spots, the oldest of Lynn's three kitties. Very fragile but an affectionate and tenacious cat. At one point I thought he was near death but he was miraculously rejuvenated. He and Zimba got along surprisingly well.

RM = The dreaded Corona Virus that dominated 2020.

RM = I am fortunate to live next to an all-purpose trail that is alongside the busway. The path is 4.5 miles and I used it extensively this year. The northern half is almost like a park because it adjacent to undeveloped land. Walking here often inspired me.

MA = One April Saturday the weather was so wonderful that I was compelled to keep walking. I discovered a park with a trail around a small lake. Even outside, one could not escape the commands to "social distance."

EA = This year many people rediscovered bicycling; me too. I rode more this summer than the past 25 years combined. This selfie was taken at the northern end of the Fastrak path. By going back and forth, I could make a 10-mile ride.

RA = Carlton. The dominant of Lynn's three cats (at least until Zimba). He was generally very calm (and lazy?). In this picture, he is supervising my work.  Before Lynn left, he often slept behind the computer monitor while I worked.

RA = Richard and me. He was passing through CT and stopped by that day for a shower and a visit.

MS = My coworkers and I had a reunion (in November) to celebrate the retirement of Tony (who likes to hike). Note our social distancing (and I have my mask in case people get too close).

ES = Selfie while wearing a cloth mask (from Lynn) that makes you invincible against Covid-19 cooties - unless you don't clean it enough and wash your hands and ....

RS = My copy of The Pilgrim's Progress. I finally was able to finish Part One and am progressing through Part Two. Reading Little Women (see above) motivated me to revisit the Bunyon book (among other things).

RS = Selfie where I am wearing a jacket given to me by my sister Amy. It is actually kind of impracticable (bc it is a pullover) but it is appropriate for mild Fall weather plus I enjoy that it has an "R" on the front (sort of like the "S" on the front of Superman's costume).

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Links:
http://ricketwrite.blogspot.com/2020/04/happy-easter.html
https://cantocatolico.org/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0YWKLNhTvE
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Matrix
http://ricketwrite.blogspot.com/2020/01/welcome-2020.html
http://ricketwrite.blogspot.com/2020/04/a-holy-saturday.html
http://ricketwrite.blogspot.com/2020/03/the-kitties-say-hello.html
http://ricketwrite.blogspot.com/2020/03/barren-saturday.html
http://ricketwrite.blogspot.com/2020/04/corona-virus-massacre.html
http://ricketwrite.blogspot.com/2020/04/thus-saith-lord.html
http://ricketwrite.blogspot.com/2020/04/painted-rocks-earth-day-easter.html
http://ricketwrite.blogspot.com/2020/05/saturday-bike-ride.html
http://ricketwrite.blogspot.com/2020/04/my-helpers.html
http://ricketwrite.blogspot.com/2020/11/take-hike.html
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Written Friday 25 December 2020.

A Dark & Stormy....

Ten years ago, I started this blog with a post quoting Snoopy as he tried to write a novel. And I'm still trying. I'm actually more like Charlie Brown, a blockhead as Lucy would say. Something of a loner, but like Charlie Brown, not really by choice. I often explain that I'm an orphan in a family of 12 kids.

What to write about in order to mark this anniversary? It IS Christmas Eve but you couldn't tell by my mailbox. So far I have received a smattering of cards from mostly co-workers and former colleagues. I have been saying for years that (my) family is dead, gone, finished. That is the only conclusion I can make when so far (as in many previous Christmases) I have received absolutely NO cards, emails, or texts from any of my siblings, my mother and my son to wish me a Merry Christmas. And I've sent them cards. (I could also mention nephews and nieces). Apparently today it is considered acceptable to not bother. The fact is that no one cares any more, or they are too busy posing as pious and holy ones and can't be bothered with others, especially distant relatives like old Rick. HA! Merry F'ing Christmas to you too (as my former mother-in-law Judy would sometime say, God rest her soul).

But not to worry, nothing new, so it's not a shock to me. It'll pass and "tomorrow is another day" (as Margaret Mitchell said). And frankly I don't give a damn (and she wrote that too). 

Behind me in the picture above (captured this evening) is a wall hanging of Hokusai Katsushika's "Great Wave off Kanagawa." It was a birthday present from my pen pal, Satoko, several years ago. It reminds me of her and also the challenges of life and the determination needed to continue; also, there is the sacred Mount Fuji in the background, representing the mysterious divine, distant yet present and watching. One of my colleagues told me that she once visited Japan and tried twice to see Mt Fuji but both times it was enveloped in fog and clouds. So she traveled all that way and never got to see it. And the beat goes on. Tick-tock, thank God.

"The Great Wave off Kanagawa" by Hokusai Katsushika

But overall today has not been too bad. I got the important stuff done that I wanted. I got out of the house and to the post office. And I emailed greetings to many coworkers and a surprising number replied back. I suppose they were like me, time off but still monitoring email, because the work is always there. And what a blessing to know so many of these folks. Yeah, I don't have to live with them (but I do have to work with them). I sometimes get to hear parts of their stories, so it can feel like I have a bigger family than my natural born siblings and relatives. I guess it works out in the end.

10 years. Wow.

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Links:
http://ricketwrite.blogspot.com/2010/12/birthing.html
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Margaret_Mitchell
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Great_Wave_off_Kanagawa
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mount_Fuji
http://ricketwrite.blogspot.com/2020/12/get-back-to-cuckoo.html
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Written Thursday 24 December 2020.